Below is an actual letter I wrote to my dad -- on Facebook of course. If you don't know, he's an extreme angry alcoholic who raises hell in any way he can, nightly. It's quite a burden really, but everything happens for a reason -- good or bad. Something to learn from, I suppose. It took me a lot of anxiety to write it, but I did. I don't care what happens to me afterwards. May be good, or bad, but as far as things go, he will probably forget about it in the morning.
Thoughts and comments are welcome, but I don't want to hear a single "Omg so sry gurrrrl you will be okay bc GOD loves you blah blah" shit >_> If you're my friend, you know better than to give me that bogus bull. Stay honest and insightful :)
Dad,
You've really got to get yourself together. If I have another headache because of your drunken foolishness, I don't know what I'll do. Usually, I'm great at holding my tongue, but you are wonderful at catching me at my worst. Sure, I say things I don't mean, but i also say things I do mean. It's not okay, the way you act. We remember in the morning everything you do at night.
When I move out, I'm taking mum with me. That's a given. Kashida might not be able to promise that because she has a family of her own, but I can and do promise that with all my heart. I would have to be a heathen and a tart to leave my mother with someone like you to abuse her mentally and emotionally every night. No one deserves that.
Not even you, I suppose. My compassion tells me that much.
Remember when I explained to you at the table a few nights ago that we feared you enough to avoid you? That that was why no one spoke to you? Yeah, that almost still stands. Almost. I'm only as afraid of you as I am of losing my comfortable lifestyle. I'm used to it. But I'm also used to helping people. And you need help. So I am going to forward you to two sites:
The first, Alcoholics Anonymous in NC: http://www.aanorthcarolina.org/
Go there. Learn something. Realize what you've become.
The second, a Wikipedia page about Karsokoff's Syndrome. You're forgetting a lot of things, lately. It's not old-age. It's the liquor. And yeah, some B-12 may help, but only if you stop drinking.
Link here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korsakoff%27s_syndrome
I don't expect you to do it all at once. Maybe lower your dosage to one glass a night. Then every other night. Then once a week, until you realize you can go weeks and months without a single libation.
It'll do wonders.
You're not a happy drunk, so you just can't be drunk. Get over it.
Alcohol is not the answer to happiness. It just breeds more misery.
I can only help but so much. But, as with everything, the rest is up to you. I'm sure, by some grace, I will find my way. I will find my way out of this damned place, without a car, without a license, with everything of meaning at least 20-30 mins away on foot. Hours away in a car. I will figure it out, on my time. Not yours. You brought me here, and as my father, you're obliged to help me get out. I'm your child, not your burden. Remember that, and maybe, just maybe, you can remember what loving your family is supposed to look like and feel like.
I do love you, in the best way I can.
~Kathia
That was really brave and (in the end) thoughtful of you, Kathia. I can speak from experience when I say that alcoholism is a terrible disease that really can take wonderful people and turn them into unrecognizable monsters. I can also say that many alcoholics have real trouble hearing how their drinking affects others. Some come into AA on a "Wife Card" (as opposed to a court card) or a "Kid Card", and some of those people do end up staying. But unfortunately, many of them have to reach that place in their soul where they themselves can no longer stand the person they have become. I am sure that, if there is a God out there, he loves you :-P. But part of living in this world is taking action, and you did that. I will reiterate the fact that I think you did a good thing by telling your dad how you feel, as alcoholism turns people into virtual sociopaths who cannot detect other's emotions. He may forget, but he may store it somewhere, and when he is ready to get sober, he will thank you. I wish you all the best with your family, and as a person in recovery myself, as well as having a mom in recovery, I am always here. Take care of yourself. Take care of your mom. And if he never gets better, you did what you could. <3 <3 <3 <3
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