Something I never thought about

So this person wrote this fascinating comment in response to a blog on OkCupid. The blog wasn't so shocking to me, and it probably wouldn't be that shocking to anyone who lives in this modern world and has it ingrained in their minds the laws of attractiveness. But, I never thought about attractiveness like this, in the way the person puts it. Before, I thought that the way society molded attractiveness around Caucasian features was predominately, if not purely, racist. And yet, as I read this comment and thought about my own personal preferences (particularly in women), it all made sense. Maybe, it really has something to do with the cards we are dealt with. Why wouldn't it be for human nature to prefer these traits of "softness" that come with being white or white-like? And oddly enough, the farther away one gets from being white, the farther away one gets from being socially attractive, or rather, desired. It never bothered me before really. But in the end, when I think about how us non-white-like girls will sit around and say things like "I wish I had your hair" (to our white counterparts) and fret about having to take care of the hair of our own, presumably to be "ethnic" children, well, it just kind of makes things suck a little more. The trouble of wanting to love yourself for who you are, but still putting chemicals in your hair for the sake of manageability... Ironically, our hair is only manageable when it gets closer to being white-like. Maybe our mothers should spend more time teaching us how to take care of our hair in its natural state. Teaching us how to style it. But nah, that just doesn't happen...does it?

And yes, here is the comment. Mind you, a little TL;DR may get you:



From poster who identifies self as "Just Saying":

The thickness of race in America is amazing. I feel for black women and asian men the most when it comes to interracial mating (again, have to always say it, especially as a white guy: not all INDIVIDUALS will feel this, but i think the numbers and eye test confirm these two groups getting the rawer deals.)

To “A Black Girl” and “blk girl”:

I can’t help notice both of you follow a pattern in your posts. (and i am right now making sure i don’t assume this about other black women.)

Both of you gain my empathy (not that you want or need it of course) for how you started your posts.

But then Blk girl goes and gets completely racist and hypocritical to “An Asian,” and A Black Girl goes and, unless i’m misreading the post, exposes her disdain for white woman with the “looks for skinny little white girls” line, which i’ve heard from countless black woman in clubs and on the street, mocking white girls’ skinniness compared to the average black woman.

I’m going to throw something out here now that is even more un-PC.

I realize beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I realize we’re americans bombarded with images of “white is right” when it comes to beauty. And there will always be individual preferences.

But when you add up the individuals you get trends, which is what we’re talking about here, as ugly and sensitive as this conversation gets.

HERE GOES:

Could it be possible that there are simply more rare physical characteristics among white woman, compared to all other women, that indeed, if you hooked up a “truth-o-meter” to the groins of ALL THE MEN of the world, would show that white woman are preferred by more men of all races?

Look at it this way (and i know few women will be able to stomach my hypothesis, but try:) every single race of woman on this planet other than white woman have either black or dark brown hair (with a tint of orange in some cases) and fewer colors for eyes. White woman have hair that is black, brown, red, blond, straight, curly, and every color and texture in between, eyes of blue, green, brown.

Men like variety, softness in women and soft hair is nice in bed. Black women’s hair isn’t as sensual to the touch for many men and black women can’t blame men for feeling that. White women go from very white to olive skin to tan, with all the different kinds of hair and eyes. White woman and some latinas are the only women with really red nipples, which i’ve heard many non white men say they REALLY like.

Again, of course there are individual preferences and billions of people to make up all those individual preferences. But could it be this un-PC observation is the ugly truth beneath it all? White woman ARE very different than ALL other woman in the looks department and men ARE into looks.

Blacks are rightly wary, subconsciously, of whites, from the history of racism that still exists in this country. That will paint black woman’s openness to white guys but why would the past (done by white MEN) stop black guys from liking white women?

And to Urbane Explorer:

I’m not sure how bad i feel for you when it comes to dating. At least i don’t feel sorry for your “profile.” (again, individuals differ within a group that shows tendencies.)

Here’s what i mean.

I know racism exists and you feel it in ways i cannot imagine. But when it comes to dating, i simply do not feel sorry for educated, good looking black men. The dating, sexual world is your oyster (if it’s not feeling that way to you personally, i don’t direct this to you, but still put forth this idea as it applies to many smart, goodlooking black guys.)

In America, for whatever reasons, when it comes to pure sexiness, black men and white women are at the top of the mountain (again if YOU don’t feel that way, try to see this from a numbers perspective, averages.) This is not as true in mid-america, but that’s not where we all mix anyway.

All of our history feeds the electricity of the black man white woman relationship, including the race based obstacles that are there. And most modern white woman from urban settings carry around a subconscious, politically based empathy for black men (as do white men,) which moreso than men, is connected to physical attraction since he’s attractive for what he has to deal with, or she perceives he has to deal with.

Of course rural or suburban folks will have a different take than me, coming from the Bay Area CA. But i think in most urban areas where modern, more liberal whites live around and work with people of other races, this black man white woman hierarchy exists. I would even put the numbers higher for ratio of black men with white women to the other way around when you’re talking about younger people. Black woman and white men open up to each other more as folks learn each other, work around each other and have lived more. More of a trust needs to happen for black woman with white men. Black men with white women works young, old anytime.

Funny how so much of this doesn’t feel true to us. But again, it’s not for any of us to take personally. We are all still able to be individuals and all it takes is ONE PERSON TO LOVE.